The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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