he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
