Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
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i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
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My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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