You made me cry and you don't even care
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
