There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
