I cockslap morals
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
