I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
