Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
