Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
