Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
