K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
