just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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