did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
