Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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