I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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