What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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