mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish you could order shots online.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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