I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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