so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
