Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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