you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
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You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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