I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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