Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
