i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
