Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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