i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
