honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
