she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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