I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
