I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
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i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
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There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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