its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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