Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
