I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
