First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
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I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
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My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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