The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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