I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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