I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
