Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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