Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid