So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...