I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
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Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
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I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...