I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
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All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
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So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS