I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.