so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.