Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
