That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
