1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
