i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
