I have demons in me.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
