You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
