Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
