i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just want nice things and good sex
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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