They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
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We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
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I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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