soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
