so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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