I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
