You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
