I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
