I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
