Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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