Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
