you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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