Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
