Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
