Joe is yelling at the trees again.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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