Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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