its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
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i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm at about main and main street
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
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She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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