So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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