that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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